Why am I even asking myself this question? I think it’s because I recognise how easy it is to fall into bad habits. Why people are set up this way is for another post, suffice to say if you don’t reconnect with YOUR why it is easy to get lost. This question reminds me to reflect on what I do and why, both for myself and my business. If I think about it long enough I start to remember both the pain and the successes of my past – this helps me reconnect with the now.
If I think about the negatives, I had a very unhealthy relationship with food, I wasn’t overweight, but I would often starve myself and avoid any social events if it involved eating. I was ashamed of my body, especially my bum and took people’s negative opinions to heart whilst totally ignoring the good ones (yes there were some!) I am pretty sure nobody meant any harm, people are what they are, but like many, I found it easier to internalise the bad stuff.
My reaction to this was to become gym obsessed (as well as food obsessed) and despite the negative elements to this it helped to keep me disciplined over the years.
Fortunately I was incredibly lucky to have had help from an amazing psychologist over a number of years. This person helped me appreciate what I had put myself (and my body) through and gave me the strategies to recognise this type of thinking when it arises – which occasionally it still does.
Another area where I could ‘take control’ was the gym. I had realised quite early on how much I got from physical exercise and I quickly found out that my psychology was closely linked with my levels of activity. Whilst I realise my early training was obsessive, rather than over analyse it these days I treat it as a positive, i.e. it worked so I kept doing it. Certainly whenever I was training, I felt I could handle the chaos of the outside world better and when I didn’t, that my emotions would begin to pile up.
In the end becoming a PT and fitness coach felt natural; what a better starting place than to use my own experience as a basis for my career. I wanted to teach other women what I had learnt, that food wasn’t the enemy and that starving your body (the way that some diets do) was both unhealthy and unsustainable. Ultimately, I get to use what I know to help people convert some of their pain into something that makes them stronger.